I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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