I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
