I puked a lego.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
