Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
