it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
