Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
