i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
