just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
