She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
