I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
