Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
