The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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