I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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