...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
