When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
