Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
