Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
