drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
