I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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