Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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