Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We're too hungover to prance.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
