Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Found your dick twin last night
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
