If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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