So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We need a shit load of segways right now
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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