I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just fell off a train. Bad.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
