At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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