the day after is always just damage control
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
