do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
