yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
