i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
