So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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