just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
