Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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