47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
