thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
