Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
