I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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