Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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