Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
