Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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