if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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