they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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