Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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