Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
