everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
