we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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