I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
