wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
