youre lurking in front of me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I look better un-naked...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
