At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
