She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
zippers are such a cool invention
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
