TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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